


Sometimes Hazbins Are the Sharpest Tools in the Shed

by That_One_Weird_Guy



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Soul Eater, Soul Eater Not!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human (Do Weapons Count as Being Fully Human?), Alternate Universe - Soul Eater Fusion, Badass Angel Dust, Canon - Manga, Dr. Stien's Questionable Teaching, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Prostitution, Post-Canon, Romance, Touch-Averse Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Trans Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Trans Male Character, Weird Weapon Biology, i'll probably think of more tags later, mentions of cannibalism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25369501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_One_Weird_Guy/pseuds/That_One_Weird_Guy
Summary: Three years have passed since the battle for the moon, since the death of Lord Death and the rise of Death the Kid to his father's position, flanked by the Thompson sisters. Now the Death Weapon Meister Academy is ready to accept a new generation of students. The future's looking bright...for everyone except for the six students assigned to the Hazbin class, a dead end for those even the DWMA's infamous remedial lessons can't help.One thing is certain for this group made up of Alastor Laudry, a powerful Weapon whose Soul Wavelength no one has been able to match with, even discounting his affinity for madness, Anthony "Angel Dust" Ragno, the estranged son of an "influential' family, who has inherited both Weapon and meister blood, Charlotte "Charlie" Mange, who finds herself struggling to live up to both her family's name and her own ideals, Vaggie Martinez, who knows that the DWMA may be her last chance at making a life for herself, and the Partners, Nifty Smithers and Jim "Husk" Laudry, who's vices, Cleanliness OCD and lack of focus for the former and laziness and alcoholism for the latter, make them lackluster students, this year will be very entertaining!No prior knowledge of Soul Eater needed.
Relationships: Alastor & Husk & Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor & Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie, Kim Diehl/Jacqueline O. Lantern Dupré, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans, Marie Mjolnir/Franken Stein
Comments: 13
Kudos: 48





	1. A New Set of Problem Students?

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case any of you haven't read Soul Eater or Soul Eater Not! or only watched the anime, I'll be putting explanations for Soul Eater specific terminology in the end notes which will be signified by a (#) with a corresponding number as the explanation. I will be mainly following the Manga canon except for the death of Mifune, I prefer him becoming a teacher in the anime and so it shall be here.
> 
> If enough of you like reading this I will try to get a second chapter up soon.
> 
> Anyways have fun reading and know that any advice is welcome!

To say that Anthony, better know Angel Dust (1), was please would be a lie, and he made a habit of not telling lies unless it either directly benefited him or made a situation funnier.

"I mean _really_ I'm a Tommy Gun, the right thing to do would be to point me at the enemy and spray and pray whenever the Kishin Egg (2) pokes its slobbery, ugly head out, but no," He thought to himself, drawing out the "O" sound even in his own head, "My so-called Meister (3), while he did pay well for the privilege of getting to use my awesome Weapon form, is trying to use me like a fucking sniper rifle!".

He sighed mentally as his Meister of the day, Travis something-or-other, took another badly aimed potshot at the lanky Kishin Egg, who had realized about three minutes ago that it had nothing to fear from the incompetent Meister and took the chance to make swaying dash at what it had already decided would be its next meal. Angel Dust sighed this time out loud.

"Guess I have'ta fuckin' take care of this myself." ground out his exasperated voice, as he transformed back into his human form, pale-blond hair locks swaying from the motion, and brought his still transformed hand down towards the monstrosity's fast approaching scalp.

"BANG" is his yelled accompaniment to the sound of his literal finger gun blowing a hole straight through his opponents brain.

"C'mon let's get back ta fuckin' school, otherwise Teach'll give us detention," He called to his shocked supposed Partner, "and ya better pay extra for me carryin' your stupid ass!"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it" muttered Travis something-or-other as he followed his pink-clad accomplice, bending down to pick up the reddish soul left behind by the Kishin Eggs death to deliver to his actual Weapon.

* * *

Alastor Laudry was bored, a feeling which his hatred was only matched by his contempt for hunger. Indeed watching the teacher, Spirit Albarn, retired death scythe (4), as the black-suited man had pompously introduced himself, lecture the flamboyant boy who had introduced himself as Angel Dust at the start of the year, wasn't as entertaining as he thought it would be due to it dragging on for so long, it wasn't even like Mr. Albarn was their actual teacher, he was just standing in for their normal Combat Arts instructor, Mifune, who was off dealing with some negotiations with the Witches' realm (5) on behalf of his young charge and the DWMA.

"A Weapon's job in the Weapon-Meister partnership is to take the Meister's Soul Wavelength (6) and amplify it, abandoning your Meister means working only with your own Wavelength which limits your attack power and for ranged Weapons specifically their ammunition! If your enemy had been even a tiny bit stronger pulling that sort of maneuver would have resulted in both your Meister's death and your own!" Reiterated the overly-emotional red haired teacher, seemingly reading to continue his already ten minute long rant.

"Yeah, but it wasn't and it didn't." drawled Angel Dust, as he began to walk back to his seat in the crescent shaped classroom, "Now is this a class or not? I don't wanna flunk 'cause of your whiny ass."

Mr. Albarn gaped at the effeminate man sat down at his usual place further back in the class, feet up on the desk and making a "go on" gesture.

Alastor couldn't help but grin, even wider than he already was at least, at the older man's reaction, but even that small amusement passes as the former Death Weapon straightens his signature upside-down cross tie and clears his throat.

"Okay class, today I'll be walking you through Soul Resonance (7) 101." He looked thoughtfully around the room, as odd as that expression looked on his face, "Vagatha and Charlotte, please come down here." declared Spirit, while pointing at the two girls in the front row who both cringed at the use of their full first names and cringed further as the red-head called "Laudry, Pentious you too." obviously being more familiar with the girls' names than the boys'.

The boy who usually sat next to Alastor standing up and offering a hand to him. He stared at it for a second wondering: "Why is this man being so familiar?" before asking him:

"Do I know you?"

"Yesss I'm your partner, remember?" Hissed the black-haired boy he assumed was Pentious.

Suddenly it came back to him, he had in fact partnered with this boy, though they hadn't seen each other since that initial meeting a couple of weeks ago. They had agreed to be partners when they had realized they were the only ones without one, through it was a partnership in name only, Alastor refused to wielded like some sort of tool, grabbed at like some useless sceptre wielded by some idiot king. No, no, no, he much preferred to go on missions on his own, even if it meant compromising his fighting capability, but now he had no choice.

He stood up; he had to after all. He couldn't ignore this assignment, which means he has a minute to think of a plan as he descends the stairs leading down to the front of the classroom, Pentious, who he suddenly remembers like to add a "sir" before his name, following behind him, scowling his way down.

As he reached the last five steps inspiration struck him. "The teacher will present us with a combat scenario as they always do to make sure we can actually utilize our skills under pressure, which means all I have to do is goad our opposition into Resonating and by doing so providing the example the teacher is looking for." he thought to himself a wicked grin spreading wide across his bear-trap jaws, after all he knew very well his own capability of manipulation, "Now then, that Vaggie girl did already prove earlier this year that she is quite hot-headed, let's see how much it takes to make her, what do they say these days, 'loose her cool'?"

Alastor barely listened as Mr. Albarn began to give instructions on combat safety, after all, he already had his eyes on his new prey.

"Well then ladies, let us dance!" he exclaimed a dark glee evident on his face.

"Yes this will be very entertaining!" he thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 - Fun fact according to Soul Eater Not! you can sign up to the academy under any name you choose which is the explanation for why the series has characters named things like Black*Star and Soul Eater, for the sake of this Fic I'm going to assume that Angel signed up under his false name.
> 
> 2 - A Kishin is a being created from the over-hunting of a large amount of pure, good human souls and possess dangerous, destructive power. A Kishin Egg is a Kishin that has not yet reached the level of power needed to be described as a true Kishin or may also refer to their soul.
> 
> 3- A Meister is person who wields the Demon Weapons which their Partners turn into, the more compatible as people the Meister and Weapon are the stronger their combat potential. They are often also referred to as Weapon technicians.
> 
> 4 - The term Death Scythe or Death Weapon refers to two different things, one a Weapon that has consumed 99 Kishin Eggs and the soul of a witch and two a Weapon that has been deemed fit to be wielded by Lord Death usually by achieving the former task. Soul Eater Evens was named the last Death Scythe as following the truce between the witches and the DWMA the hunting of Witch souls became Illegal, since any rogue witch would have to answer the Witch court now rather than the DWMA.
> 
> 5 - The witches realm is a location created by the witch queen Maba's spatial magic. It was originally used as a hiding place from the DWMA while they were hunting witches due to their natural tendency towards destruction. A truce was formed between the Witches and the DWMA due to the presence of a non-evil witch at the DWMA, Kimial Diehl.
> 
> 6 - Soul Eater opperates under the assumption that the Soul is a real tangible thing and a Soul's Wavelength is often considered to be what defines someone as a person, additionally Weapons and Meisters are able to use their own wavelengths to augment their attacks.
> 
> 7 - Soul Resonance is a state achieved when a Weapon and Meister sync their Soul Wavelengths, which results in a sort of melding of minds and also allows the use of stronger techniques like the Witch Hunter or Death Cannon,


	2. Soul Resonance, The Melding of Weapon and Meister!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, chapter two already huh? Depending on how soon I release this you guys may not realize that I started working on this the night I posted the first chapter, reading your responses has been just that great and motivating!
> 
> Anyways same deal as last time, (#) matches to the same number in the end notes with an explanation of whatever the Soul Eater term is.
> 
> Have fun reading and keep commenting, I'm trying to respond to all of them after all!

Charlie stared down her current opponents. She had seen the red tailcoat clad man walk down the stairs looking almost furtively, but now he stood before them, oozing confidence. Mr. Albarn finished his lecture and yells:

"begin!"

Immediately she reaches to the side knowing that she would soon feel the familiar weight of her partner's silver spear form settle into her hand with the resounding feeling of her own soul beginning to enter the pre-resonance state, and indeed the second she does she brings it up angling it across her chest to prepare to defend against any attack their opponents may be cooking up.

She hears both her own gasp of surprise and Vaggie's slight annoyance echoing through her head as she notices that their opponents haven't even gotten close to doing the same they already have. The man she thinks was the one called Sir Pentious stood in front fiddling with some sort of device and the taller one, Alastor, she thinks she heard someone call him once, simply still standing comfortably behind his Meister, a smug aura emanating from him.

She waits a second before moving in towards the closer one, Sir Pentious, who finished fiddling with his glove-like tech piece, looking up just in time to exclaim

"You shall now witness a device made by my genius, one which lets me mimic the Soul Menace (1) Technique!" and promptly get hit over the head by the butt end of Vaggie's spear shaft, crumpling to the ground. Vaggie cheers in her head at the fast defeat of one opponent.

She turns towards Alastor expecting a counter-attack, only to find him still standing where he was before not having moved at all. He laughed, actually laughed at the defeat of his partner before speaking, his voice suddenly clouded by white noise,

"Static Serenade!" into his hand which had transformed into what looked like the end of an old-timey microphone. Accompanying his words is the sound of discordant jazz starting to snake through the room.

After backing up a step and levelling her spear at him, Charlie called down the soulbond linking her to her weapon "It seems he can fight somewhat autonomously (2), warn me if you see anything weird, please!"

Vaggie felt it stabbing towards her partner before she saw it. A dark elongated caricature that had risen from the shadows behind them. Her sudden panic causing her Meister to roll into a dodge trusting Vaggie's instincts. Charlie turned to face the creature, but it had already melted away in time to a sudden quietness to the music echoing through the room.

Twisting back around to face Alastor she saw he was no longer there. Instead there stood a creature which could almost be thought to be Alastor's shadow, if not for its transparent eyes, wide stretched mouth, and the large antlers which punched out from its head. In the Shade's hand lay a sort of microphone-staff fusion which it twirled with almost reckless abandon. 

"Great, a literal shadow puppet," drawled out Vaggie, her tone wry, "and a Weapon which wields itself!".

Charlie agreed through a bit more silently "A guy told me once that music can Chanel Soul Wavelength, but I never heard of someone being able to control shadows with them. Isn't that cool?".

"Don't count us out, just because you crafted your own Me, Myself and I team! Vaggie Soul Resonance, please!" She called out both out loud and to her Weapon.

She felt her and Vaggie's Souls begin to connect further as she spoke the words, Vaggie's spear tip elongating further, gaining a silver glow and a large pink X playing across it.

"Argentum Thrust!" they spoke in unison their intentions and souls in alignment.

Which is exactly the time Spirit deems appropriate to step in and declared that the match is over since one of them had managed to Resonate properly. Almost reluctantly both Weapons returned to human form and Alastor's song stopped playing and his shadow melted back into the ground. Both teams stared at each other before Alastor laughed and spoke

"That's a cliff-hanger I believe!" before picking up the still passed out Sir Pentious and beginning to frag him back to their seats while muttering what sounded like "I love it when a plan comes together, as they say.". The two looked at each other before going to take their own seats. The substitute Teacher quickly began to run into a long-winded explanation of the process of Soul Resonance and what their example match had shown.

Charlie thought to herself giddily "We were awesome, now all I need to do is plan out a theme song for us, maybe a good musical number!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 - Soul Menace is a technique where a Meister with a particularly powerful soul attacks an opponent directly with their Soul Wavelength even without the use of Weapon.
> 
> 2 - A autonomously fighting Weapon is one that can fight competently without a Meister.
> 
> Just a quick explanation for any Soul Eater fans or really anyone who is interested in how I came up with Alastor's ability set: some specialty Weapons like Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre are able to manipulate elements even without a Meister to wield them as shown with her using fire while only partially transformed into her lantern form, so I thought that having him manipulate shadow creatures kind of like Masmune does would be a good way to represent the magic we have seen him use in the first episode of Hazbin Hotel.


	3. Madness Lingers Inside the DWMA?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with chapter 3 and hoping that my sporadic update schedule hasn't pissed any of you off yet. Nothing like an all-nighter to motivate you to write manically.
> 
> Well you guys probably know the deal right now, you see (#), you check the endnotes for descriptions.

To Jim Laudry the day was already over. Possibly it never started in the first place. His steadfast refusal to acknowledge anything that happened before it was two in the afternoon was what had earned him the nickname "Husk" from his adoptive brother, Alastor, after all.

On the other hand, the twitching ball of energy next to him most commonly known as Niffty, was already dragging him off the course he had been trying to set towards their shared dorm, and more importantly his bed. She had spotted a coffee shop off the side of the road and had already informed him quite vigorously that she very much wanted to go there with him.

"Not like she needs any caffeine in her system." he thought to himself, "Well as long as they can at least add a bit of booze to my order, I'll be fine." tapping his fake ID. 

He quickly grunted his agreement to her detour plan, not that anything he said would have stopped her, she was quite the coffee junkie.

"That was who she was, she made up all the fucking energy in their little partnership, which made for a good laugh considering that any Kishin Egg they had hunted had always mistaken him for bigger threat, with his large frame, gruff appearance and other shit. Usually, this confusion caused a long enough distraction for him to slide the vicious little Trident-Dagger style parry knife (1) that she transformed into home."

This line of thinking quickly led him back to the "demonstration" that had happened in class; if he was charitable enough to even call it that. He has known Alastor for a hell of a long time, and he could read the little tells displayed on that ever grinning face of his. To put it simply he had quickly realized that Alastor had been playing the two girls he went up against like fiddles.

Not that Husk minded much, after all his not-quite-blood-blood-brother's show of his abilities had caused basically everyone to avoid him, the younger Laudry, like the plague. That suited him just fine, after all, any attention not paid to him was fewer expectations to be piled on his shoulders, and fewer expectations meant fewer people to disappoint.

Lost in his own thoughts, he barely noticed that Niffty had left him to stand in the line for the two of them, while she went to aggressively hunt down a booth for the two of them. Now suddenly faced with the task of having to order something that both he and his hyper partner would like he looked around, and quickly realized that this place had no liquor selling licence.

"One espresso with extra sugar and one normal latte." he quickly muttered to the bored-looking cashier.

As he began to walk back to his table he wondered what Alastor was even doing right now.

* * *

Alastor stared down the Creature before him. His mind spun in place, thoughts intruding unbidden. The Kishin Egg before him resembled a mix between a wolf, a deer and a person, and his traitorous mind was already reminding him of his love for venison. 

That static-filled voice in the back of his mind whispers to him, "What would a little bite hurt? We will be devouring its soul anyways, and besides the academy does say to not think of them as human after they have completed their change."

He knows what indulgence does to him, but he was hungry, and besides weren't all the points his shade raised not valid? His current mindset certainly seemed to think so.

With a gleeful grin his voice rang out "Static Serenade" and the shadow-like manifestation of him that sprang up immediately began to turn his thoughts to actions.

They would eat well tonight indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 - A type of parry dagger which has a button-activated spring mechanism which cause the dagger to pop out two extra blades on the side to catch incoming blades with. It was mainly used in the renaissance. Here is the Wikipedia link if anyone care to read it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parrying_dagger.


End file.
